


Of Lords, Princes, and Pepper Pots

by hermione_vader



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 13:36:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermione_vader/pseuds/hermione_vader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally written for Norsekink.  Daleks land on Asgard, which means a certain madman and his box can't be far behind...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Lords, Princes, and Pepper Pots

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt [](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3231.html?thread=5486751#t5486751)

As the seven of them appear, Thor feels anger like a giant serpent (as in those far-off tales of Ragnarok) rise within him.  It does not snap at their strange appearances withtheir domes, their bumpy sides, or their built-in weapons (what he thought Midgardians called "plungers" and "egg beaters").  It is not even their lack of mercy as they strike Asgard's citizens---he has seen many enemies who were equally cold.  The serpentine ire begins twisting and hissing at the sound of those _voices_ , blaring and clawing and scratching at his ear drums as they repeat vacant answers to all of his questions.  
  
"What brought about this attack?  What crime have the citizens of Asgard committed against your people?" he shouts.  He spins Mjolnir in his hand, ready for a fight.  
  
"THEY. ARE. NOT. DALEKS." the first one states coldly as it glided over, stopping firmly in front of him.  
  
"And why does that offend you?"   
  
"DALEKS. ARE. THE. SUPERIOR. BEINGS." the second and third say as they circle him.  
  
"Who determined that?"  He grinds his teeth as he watches them glide across the ground.  
  
"OUR. CREATOR." The fourth and fifth speak this time, he thinks, since they slide forward, but the droning voices are truly indistinguishable.  
  
"And what is his opinion of the rest of us?"  The hammer's leather handle grew hot in his anxious hand.  
  
"YOU. ALL. WILL. BE. EXTERMINATED."  The sixth and seventh circle the first, ready to defend their leader, Thor supposed, if these creatures could understand that.  
  
"And if we refuse?"  The snake of wrath rises up, poised to strike.  
  
"YOU. WILL. BE. EXTERMINATED." all seven exclaim at once, now forming a perfect circle around Thor.  
  
He grins ruefully.  "I refuse."  
  
"EXTERMINA---"    
  
THWONK.  The serpent springs and Thor sinks Mjolnir into the lead Dalek's dome (skull?).  He clanks it into the other six just as quickly.  Then he chuckles and bashes the side-spheres flat, and crushes the life out of each and every single egg beater and plunger until they either fell to the ground or into the metal body.  Thor thinks he hears a strong wheezing sound behind him, but he does not look because it is not _that_ sound.  He laughs.  Long and loudly.  And proceeds to slam the hammer into the Daleks' backs until a slimy, purple liquid oozes out the sides.  He does not care what that is or what it might do.  He only knows an airy bliss because he will never, ever hear those voices again.

"Wow.  Schwarzenegger worthy, that is," says an unfamiliar voice behind him.  Thor turns around and sees three people---two men and a red-headed woman---staring at him like an animal that just escaped its cage.  The skinny man with a big nose had just spoken.  
  
"I'll say.  Love the armor," the woman remarks.  Thor can almost feel her gaze sweep up and down.  He winks at her.  
  
"I wear armor sometimes, too, you know." The big-nosed one scowls slightly.  
  
"Not like he does."  Her eyes grow wide.  "I didn't mean that."  
  
"Well, you've done this quite properly, haven't you?"  The second man, whose chin and hair seem abnorally large, starts jumping around from Dalek to Dalek, poking at their remains with a stick with a glowing green end.  As he watches the man, Thor suddenly thinks of a very young Loki after eating too many sweets.  "Slam, bam, thank you, ma'am---or sir as the case maybe."  
  
Thor stands as straight and tall as he can. "Most satisfying enemies I've face in a long time, mortal."  
  
The woman furrowed her brow.  "But Daleks are bulletproof and sword-proof and all that, yeah?"  
  
"Yes, Amy, that's correct, with one except.  There is one weapon---one _handheld_ weapon in all the known universe that can kill a Dalek.  A simple hammer."  The big-chinned man strides over to Thor and grabs Mjolnir's leather handle.  Thor lets go.  "The Vikings called it Mjoln---" The man lifts the man and falls flat on his back.  Thor cannot hold back his laughter.  
  
"I suppose you are not worthy of it," Thor says as he takes Mjolnir back and helps the man to his feet.  
  
"Or I'm just having an off day."  
  
"Doctor, who is this bloke?  He looks like Fabio and Van Damme's lovechild." The big-nosed man glared at Thor.  
  
"I am Thor, prince of Asgard."  Thor grins cheekily at the lady.  
  
The so-called Doctor began to jump around, and his mouth and eyebrows twitched so much Thor thought they might fly away.  "You're Thor?  Boisterous little Thor?  Oh..." He searched his jacket pockets frantically and pulled out a small white bag.  "Would you like a jelly baby?  Do you remember that?"  
  
Thor takes a jelly baby and rolls it between in fingers.  "That man had curly hair.  And a scarf that made Heimdall angry."  
  
"Yes!  That was me!  Remember how you and Loki got me to play 'Let's Conquer the Jotunheim?'  I was the Jotun!"  He glances back at his companions.  "My finest performance---you should have seen it."  
  
"You kept speaking after you had 'died.'"  
  
"And then you both bludgeoned me with toy hammers.  But that was such a good day!"  The Doctor jumps up and gives Thor what he's heard Midgardians call a "bear hug."  "And look at you now!  All grown up smiting Daleks where they stand---er, glide, I suppose?  It's _fantastic_!"  He pauses.  "I haven't used that word in ages."  
  
The lady and the other man (her husband, perhaps?) stare at them with eyebrows raised.  
  
"Uh, Doctor?  We're still here," the woman says flatly.  
  
"Oh, right.  Thor, meet my companions: Mr. and Mrs. Amy Pond," the Doctor announces, gesturing to the couple.  
  
"I'm called Rory, since you didn't ask," the big-nosed man interjected.  
  
"No metal dog?"  Thor remembers how the Warriors Three had liked to hit it with sticks and toy swords while Sif questioned it.  
  
"Oh, he's long gone."  The Doctor claps Thor's shoulder.  "Well, I guess we'll be off."  
  
"No, you must stay---you will be welcomed in the court!"  
  
"Sorry, Thor, but I've got a Dalek fleet to stop."  
  
Thor cocks his head to the side.  "Do you not see them laid to waste?"  
  
"Yes, and you did so well, but they're like termites: when you find a handful, an army is lurking in the shadows.  Except for that one time.  My ears were much bigger then."  
  
"You knooooow, Doctor," Amy begins, "since he did do all of this..."  
  
The Doctor looks pensieve for a moment before his face lights up again.  "Right you are, Amy!  Thor, come with us!"  
  
Thor's face splits into a giant grin and he raises Mjolnir in the air before running towards the blue box.  "For glory!"  
  
"For Asgard!"  The Doctor shouts immediately.  
  
Amy smiles coyly and roughly grabs his arm.  "Sooooo, Thor, how exactly did you meet the Doctor the first time?"  
  
Rory groans.


End file.
